start thinkin

easy 2 say then 2 do, easier still 2 judge when u ain't been through, sitting back wit only half truth, yet still willing 2 believe entire lie, how I despise our human race sometimes, n that's were I'm just as wrong, but damn how we suppose to really move forward, when majority of us still thinkin backwards?

self limitations

dying every day every day I'm dying not liven life 2 the fullest damn how can I be so foolish so many self insecurities to many self limitations but I don't know how to lift em holdin on to nothing sitting back waiting to be given something tryin 2 keep pace as my life passes me by what is it that I need is their even anything that makes em say wow sitting wit my head bowed will I ever reach past the clouds 2 touch the stars

erosion

feeling so trapped inside my head even a caged rat seems to be more free drowning so slowly this pain that invades is so alien yet feels like such an ol acquittance memories unleashed like a tidal wave caving in my mental demising my physical this world is slowly eroding away my spiritual soon to be left an empty shell once that happens who can tell the end results we all have yin & yang, good & evil wit in which side will step in to replace what is lost does it even matter once my physical n corporeal forms are banished

yea for my lil guy

damn beating my head against a wall lucky its just as tough thought it'd be easy had it all figured out my lil man wit me from time to time n me n his moms still able to talk nah not like that but being friends showing him love comes in so many ways but damn its like when tryin to talk to her such a rage fills me inside seems like unjustly being punished cause it didn't last long well got myself to blame don't know any other way but to go hard but damn if i would of known then pssssff doesn't matter what does is we fig a way to work it out cause even though i don't let it slip to much best believe your my heart i see partly what my father seen feel partly wha he feels that pride of father for his son so yea don't get it twisted just cause right now its rough don't mean i don't care best believe any thing u need or any thing u want with in reason of course i'm make sure don't want break my body if need before my son i challenge em all n tell god hey for that lil guys love damn right ill face any trial and walk through hells fire just to see that twinkle in his eye yea i'm more of my mothers child but wit my fathers pride

long time.....

getting up n dusting my self off let my self stay down to long this time been a min since i did this hoping i still got that...wha ever it is long time no see hope u haven't for gotten me of course it may seem i have u but both of us been so busy lately n oh the woes we both experienced yet still even though haven't said its still the same ol me yea i know u aint believing cause i haven't said hi n awhile n the kid smile been more of frown but this time i'm truly back gonna dust ya off the only way i can u know i'm the best that did it hehe well at least i'm gonna claim so yes i can say honestly this time i'm back

what determines when a man is a man

here i stand
wondering what it takes to be a man
if the choices i make truly are right
or if lata on in life they'll prove to be wrong
i guess its this unknown that has me second guessing
stressing over if what i do is really for a better tomorrow
or just for selfish indulgence
what does it take for a man to be a man
is it by what his peers think
or is it what his lover thinks
is it what society dictates
or is it through your own sweat and blood
how do you know when a boy becomes a man

just a random thought

Isn't that new feeling great?
That new shine and glow that comes with it?
How bout that good feeling you get?
And its a pain when it fades
It hurts when it starts to go away
So how do you keep it?
Or even how do you get it back?
Should you move on to the newer model?
Or cherish the memories till it fully goes?
Love sometimes is a bitch

life?

life is great
life sucks
life is exhilarating
life is smothering
life seems to be moving to fast
life goes by to slow
it seems like my life is filled with happiness
it seems like my life is filled with misery
life is great
life sucks
seems like life will never end
when will this torture of a life end
life is exhilarating
life is smothering
so much wonder in my life
so much disappointment in my life
it seems like my life is black and white
so much light shinning so much darkness choking
feel like i'm living two lives
i'm torn in to many directions
how do i live my life?

IM BACK

its funny how i sit back n think
in da blink of an eye i lost it
but now before i can blink its back
it hit me like a thunder clap
the gift i was given is back
or had it ever really left?
hmmm guess i just had to catch my mental breath
so i wanna declare loud n clear
that young penster is back
TEARLESS POET AKA RISEN YOUTH
yes n best believe i'm cocky
if you doubt it go ahead n try me
may not be best on all fronts
but i give u such a run
like the devil tryin to out run his shadow

lil man

its like wow
how do i even put it into words
fact is you my lil man
a piece of me i still cant get over seeing
hope our bond grows n stay strong till the end
even though me n ya moms aint close
still hope we can be friends for your sake
don't wanna make the same mistakes as my father
lord please help guide me
show i can show my lil man how to be da better man
to stand on his 2 feet
even when the heat comes
n the ish hit the fan
show him how to truly show his love for the special one
god please give me the strength to go on
even when he falls n gets hurt
please help me guide him to your path
lord let my lil man grow 2 be a real man

so soon yet not soon enough

so hard to believe it
couldn't even dream it
but its real and undenying
so soon that you'll be here
but to soon and you'll have me fearing
yet how i can hardly contain my excitement
to finally have you in my arms and say
"i love you my son"
but still seems like an eternity until than
an yet so much still left undone
hoping that void can be closed
but that's not to worry you at all
the time we have will be unending
so full of laughs and joy
i cant wait to hold my baby boy

what do i.....

seems like everything i try do right is going oh so wrong
trying so hard to come up but falling so far behind
yea admitted played round when should've been serious
but trying to make up for it now but it seems so ridiculous
i'm taken 2 steps forward and gettin knocked 20 steps back
seems like every time the dice roll sank eyes pop up
the lucky kid seems to finally have run outta luck
honestly tryin to figure out why i'm not given the fuck up
just go back to that street hustle where cash is fast
shit nick&dime for a min din stack bricks like the 3lil pigs
it'd be so easy and can do it away from loved one eyes
learn from the best, lord rest his soul, n got the connects
all i gotta do is make that call n i call ball like i was on MTV
specially wit a seed on the way that cake be so easy
get my brothers to watch my back n watch that cake stack
it'd be so easy already embedded thanx to da family tree
bustin my ass now and nothing to show for it
trying to get back to school so i can have my own
looking for a 9-5 to hold me over till i reach my dreams
fam bizz will be alright moms is a true soldier
time for me to leave the nest for good n ride wit the stars
but trying to do it straight seems just so hard
what say fuck it and let all slip away
fuck my dreams and everything they mean
but i know if i do that then ill truly have lost
m i really ready to pay that cost?

dilemma

it's so hard to think of a way to explain it
at first i got my mind completely wrapped around it
but than when face to face everything slips away
like writing on a beach washed away by sea
nothing will stick in my mind
and even if i put it down in written form
it wouldn't matter cause it'd look like another language
how m i suppose to express how i feel with words?
if every time the sight or sound of you turns me inside out
so long been waiting to confess to you
not knowing how to express it
inside of my head i'm screaming at myself
for being a coward when it comes to these feelings
watching another enjoyin your touch
but realizing he could never appreciate it the way i would
to put cha right next to me in thrown
how you would come before all others except for our seed
before letting any harm come to you i would bleed
so easy to say it when your walking away
i know you must think me a fool jibbering on to you
bout the weather and what cha plans are for the weekend
without even bothering to ask you out even to buy a soda
girl what i'm tryin to say is that i love you
like the waves love the moon
or plants love the sun
until i meet you my world was so dark
but the stark contrast now is that its dull and gray
and the only to change that is open up and say
i love you....
but that's my dilemma cause i cant find the strength

journey of devilish wings.......

devilish wings of midnight unfold once more
preparing to soar on cosmic winds again
searching for that one to bring light to his darkness
wings beating the stars aside with out remorse
eyes burning with hellish sin
knowing if he finds her the pain will cease to be relentless
across the void he searches for her
many rise up to his call but all are mere shadows
he will not be misguided
his soul burns for her touch knowing the release it'll bring
numbness in his chest will be crushed by her body
a force that none would dare contest
a power daring any in existence to deny the right
a being driven by pure passion forged from raw emotion
these starry wings have beaten across the cosmos for eon
constantly searching for their match in the light
waiting for the day their universe becomes one
and any that dare challenge his right will be crushed
for with out her self destruction would be the only path
but before that chaos would rain from these wings
and the world would share this devils pain

Answer??

I'm wondering right now if i lost it or i just put it up cause i don't need it right now?
It seems to have slipped right through my fingers easily escaping my grasp.
The ability to express my inner most joys or sorrows with the unearthly clarity to such an extent you can relate or take them on as your own
Now how do i give vent to these inner most joys or demons that haunt me?
Is it cause so many have come and related to me or is that i allowed my muse to slip away?
Ragging with in while reaming calm with out with only a few known of what torment i speak of and only a handful of them know all of the reasons.
Have i totally lost focus or has it just been redirected from its original goals?
I don't know feel like a car hydroplaning outta control
Have things changed this much inside of me or is it that we started taken different paths in order to reach the same goal?
Is me that open my hand and just let go or is that we've been savagely ripped apart from each other?
I don't know the answer........

the kind

I'm the kind of man every woman wants, needs, or has in her life.....
the friend......
almost like a brother, in some cases that's the role played, watching her back, helping to pick her up when she's down by any means, explaining that not every guy is an ass, beaten the shit outta guys that disrespect, and sometimes can become the boyfriend or even the husband
the brother......
always has a stronger shoulder to lean on and never quick to judge and always offering a helping hand
the son.......
always obedient and helpful in any situation and try's to keep worries away understanding mama has her hands full
the boyfriend......
always showing affection and in little ways how much your appreciated, always willing to hold your hand even when being clowned by friends cause i know how much it means to you.
the roughneck......
never disrespecting and checking any who do, given you love when you really need and making sure you always taken care of even when playing like i don't care.
the gentleman........
always opening doors and pulling out chairs, walking you to your door and giving you my coat and last bite to eat
the husband........
the king of the household who's rule is fair and just and understanding im nothing with out my queen by my side, so after every disagreement making sure i show you how much i love and appreciate you putting up with me and help raising our family
the father......
protector and care taker always there to pick you up when you fall, there to give you the knowledge to help you better understand men and hoping you never have to endure heartache or pain from one of us....but always keeping a pistol ready just in case.

i feel you

its undeniable what your doing.
i ask myself daily why i even try to stop it.
i feel you pulling away
slowly its happening like the tide retreating
but unlike the tide you wont come back when your gone
yet still i deny it
even though its a losing battle i fight it like cancer
in every way i try to please you more and more
constantly searching new ways to keep you stimulated
but i know deep down its a lost cause
i feel you pulling away
why are you doing this to us?
don't those times we laughed till we cried mean anything?
endless days spent in each others arms
or being content looking into each others eyes
does it not count for anything anymore?
and why must you torment me so?
slowly pulling away pretending to give me a chance
we both know in the end its inevitable
so why even hold out like things will change?
i feel you pulling away
my heart is torn asunder by this bleak reality
that it could find its love and yet be denied
trying to hide this pain is slowly driving me insane
to have come so close to obtaining that ultimate happiness
how i laugh at those past loves i had
for now i truly know their despair
how it hurts
to see you walk away

whats my part gonna be?

just a look and i'm shook down to my core
just a small wave or wink in my direction got me feeling all type of affections towards you
just you speaking no matter what its about has my mind losing focus on everything but you
just the fact you know the type of effect you have on me but not actin beyond that drives me crazy
no problem with flirting and playing round but the minute i even talk bout partially lockin it down you right back to it
just leading to that point where you know you got me but then just lettin me go like its nothing
but you know its over and done with
either you gonna want me as ya man or just have me on demand for that late night creep till you is lock down
let me know how this is gonna go so i can play my part right
either we gonna start on that road or just be friends with presidential benefits
or is it that your scared of what i got to give
known you always gonna get it right day & night
always there when you call and come home at night
soon as you hit that door wanting to know how your day was even if mine was fucked up
a boo that's gonna treat you right 24/7 and not when he want some
a real man by ya side
so what it is shorty
i can play that mr. right now or that mr. right for the rest of ya life
all ya gotta do is let me know is how my part is gonna go but you cant change up on me in the midst of it
ill give my all but only in one form cause i'm not that norm
so either here n now in da moment or happy ever after in da end even with da chance of those dark times on da horizon
no worries i come with a network connect like Verizon
just let me know so my mind can rest easy

something nice & something special

aint it funny how life changes so quickly on us. i mean look at it from children to adolescents, from adolescents to teens, from teens to young adults, and mothers and fathers, to grown ups with families. it passes by quickly but back then didn't it seem to take an eternity? but isn't that something nice? those summer child hood memories. even though may not have many they still shine brightly when given time to reflect. and didn't it happen right before or after you lost hope and felt a bit of neglect even if u didn't realize it? but isn't that how it goes? something special always comes along. its seems like one minute life is just so care free regardless if its right or wrong how you living it, but then next thing u know sun goes down and your left alone in the dark to stumble along not sure which way you going. then it just happens BOOM you run into. at that time and moment you may not realize it but something nice just came along. now if its for the moment or if it last a life time doesn't matter cause it came along at the right time. isn't that how it always is though even though we don't realize it till lata but something special always comes along when we need it the most? and its something so nice and something so special that we carry a piece of it from then on always going back to it in dark and turbulent times. it could be something nice like a puppy or something special like a best friend, or even something nice like a secret spot dat you chill at or something special like dat secret love you creep with out in the open just oblivious to it all. yea something nice & special just like dat. those memories of people, places, and things that came along just when we needed them the most. so its never hopeless just seems that way cause sooner or lata something nice & something special comes your way.

i know eventually

i know eventually mrs. right is gonna find me but until then i'm just looking for mrs. right now to hold me down.
looking for a few endless nights of some of the most blissful erotic pleasure not worrying what tomorrow brings.
i just want a girl right now that knows no strings attached is what is when we get together right then n there just me n her no one else matters but after all said n done we just go our separate ways.
no stress no fuss just a kiss n a lick, a bite n a scratch punctuated by soft, sometimes loud moans and groans.
i guess what i'm saying is i'm looking for a friend with presidential benefits a chick i can call my boo but never my wife.
eventually she'll be just like a sister a down ass rider bitch not to be disrespectful but unless you come at us da wrong way then we come with dat rough play.
type of girl that aint gettin round but knows how to get down n dirty when the time calls for it.
dat kind of chick that after all said n done still brake you off for old time sake until u do find your wifey and then brake dat foot off in your ass if you try to cheat lol