Shaken

These feelings are still new I don't know what to do
A part of me rebels furiously to be set free
Yet the rest screams out for you to devour me
So close to the fire yet resiting to be consumed
Hungering for your feast but starving out of stubbornness
I gotta admit ya love got me shaken to the core

Reflection

Sitting here on the edge of reality looking into an obsidian oblivion
A predatory mockery stares back at me
Such fury and hate beaming from its eyes
This cant be a true reflection of me
Hunger so deep it chills the soul
This must be that side that peeks out when I lose control
I shake my head in denial
A sadistic laugh escapes its lips and inside I hear
"I am your shield when you do not want to face reality,
give in and set me free"
I turn away from this mockery that claims to be me
But deep inside I know this to be a true reflection
I glance back to deny but nothings there
As I start to walk away yet standing near is my mockery
The evil that is a reflection of the darkness in me

start thinkin

easy 2 say then 2 do, easier still 2 judge when u ain't been through, sitting back wit only half truth, yet still willing 2 believe entire lie, how I despise our human race sometimes, n that's were I'm just as wrong, but damn how we suppose to really move forward, when majority of us still thinkin backwards?

self limitations

dying every day every day I'm dying not liven life 2 the fullest damn how can I be so foolish so many self insecurities to many self limitations but I don't know how to lift em holdin on to nothing sitting back waiting to be given something tryin 2 keep pace as my life passes me by what is it that I need is their even anything that makes em say wow sitting wit my head bowed will I ever reach past the clouds 2 touch the stars

erosion

feeling so trapped inside my head even a caged rat seems to be more free drowning so slowly this pain that invades is so alien yet feels like such an ol acquittance memories unleashed like a tidal wave caving in my mental demising my physical this world is slowly eroding away my spiritual soon to be left an empty shell once that happens who can tell the end results we all have yin & yang, good & evil wit in which side will step in to replace what is lost does it even matter once my physical n corporeal forms are banished

yea for my lil guy

damn beating my head against a wall lucky its just as tough thought it'd be easy had it all figured out my lil man wit me from time to time n me n his moms still able to talk nah not like that but being friends showing him love comes in so many ways but damn its like when tryin to talk to her such a rage fills me inside seems like unjustly being punished cause it didn't last long well got myself to blame don't know any other way but to go hard but damn if i would of known then pssssff doesn't matter what does is we fig a way to work it out cause even though i don't let it slip to much best believe your my heart i see partly what my father seen feel partly wha he feels that pride of father for his son so yea don't get it twisted just cause right now its rough don't mean i don't care best believe any thing u need or any thing u want with in reason of course i'm make sure don't want break my body if need before my son i challenge em all n tell god hey for that lil guys love damn right ill face any trial and walk through hells fire just to see that twinkle in his eye yea i'm more of my mothers child but wit my fathers pride

long time.....

getting up n dusting my self off let my self stay down to long this time been a min since i did this hoping i still got that...wha ever it is long time no see hope u haven't for gotten me of course it may seem i have u but both of us been so busy lately n oh the woes we both experienced yet still even though haven't said its still the same ol me yea i know u aint believing cause i haven't said hi n awhile n the kid smile been more of frown but this time i'm truly back gonna dust ya off the only way i can u know i'm the best that did it hehe well at least i'm gonna claim so yes i can say honestly this time i'm back

what determines when a man is a man

here i stand
wondering what it takes to be a man
if the choices i make truly are right
or if lata on in life they'll prove to be wrong
i guess its this unknown that has me second guessing
stressing over if what i do is really for a better tomorrow
or just for selfish indulgence
what does it take for a man to be a man
is it by what his peers think
or is it what his lover thinks
is it what society dictates
or is it through your own sweat and blood
how do you know when a boy becomes a man

just a random thought

Isn't that new feeling great?
That new shine and glow that comes with it?
How bout that good feeling you get?
And its a pain when it fades
It hurts when it starts to go away
So how do you keep it?
Or even how do you get it back?
Should you move on to the newer model?
Or cherish the memories till it fully goes?
Love sometimes is a bitch

life?

life is great
life sucks
life is exhilarating
life is smothering
life seems to be moving to fast
life goes by to slow
it seems like my life is filled with happiness
it seems like my life is filled with misery
life is great
life sucks
seems like life will never end
when will this torture of a life end
life is exhilarating
life is smothering
so much wonder in my life
so much disappointment in my life
it seems like my life is black and white
so much light shinning so much darkness choking
feel like i'm living two lives
i'm torn in to many directions
how do i live my life?

IM BACK

its funny how i sit back n think
in da blink of an eye i lost it
but now before i can blink its back
it hit me like a thunder clap
the gift i was given is back
or had it ever really left?
hmmm guess i just had to catch my mental breath
so i wanna declare loud n clear
that young penster is back
TEARLESS POET AKA RISEN YOUTH
yes n best believe i'm cocky
if you doubt it go ahead n try me
may not be best on all fronts
but i give u such a run
like the devil tryin to out run his shadow

lil man

its like wow
how do i even put it into words
fact is you my lil man
a piece of me i still cant get over seeing
hope our bond grows n stay strong till the end
even though me n ya moms aint close
still hope we can be friends for your sake
don't wanna make the same mistakes as my father
lord please help guide me
show i can show my lil man how to be da better man
to stand on his 2 feet
even when the heat comes
n the ish hit the fan
show him how to truly show his love for the special one
god please give me the strength to go on
even when he falls n gets hurt
please help me guide him to your path
lord let my lil man grow 2 be a real man

so soon yet not soon enough

so hard to believe it
couldn't even dream it
but its real and undenying
so soon that you'll be here
but to soon and you'll have me fearing
yet how i can hardly contain my excitement
to finally have you in my arms and say
"i love you my son"
but still seems like an eternity until than
an yet so much still left undone
hoping that void can be closed
but that's not to worry you at all
the time we have will be unending
so full of laughs and joy
i cant wait to hold my baby boy

what do i.....

seems like everything i try do right is going oh so wrong
trying so hard to come up but falling so far behind
yea admitted played round when should've been serious
but trying to make up for it now but it seems so ridiculous
i'm taken 2 steps forward and gettin knocked 20 steps back
seems like every time the dice roll sank eyes pop up
the lucky kid seems to finally have run outta luck
honestly tryin to figure out why i'm not given the fuck up
just go back to that street hustle where cash is fast
shit nick&dime for a min din stack bricks like the 3lil pigs
it'd be so easy and can do it away from loved one eyes
learn from the best, lord rest his soul, n got the connects
all i gotta do is make that call n i call ball like i was on MTV
specially wit a seed on the way that cake be so easy
get my brothers to watch my back n watch that cake stack
it'd be so easy already embedded thanx to da family tree
bustin my ass now and nothing to show for it
trying to get back to school so i can have my own
looking for a 9-5 to hold me over till i reach my dreams
fam bizz will be alright moms is a true soldier
time for me to leave the nest for good n ride wit the stars
but trying to do it straight seems just so hard
what say fuck it and let all slip away
fuck my dreams and everything they mean
but i know if i do that then ill truly have lost
m i really ready to pay that cost?

dilemma

it's so hard to think of a way to explain it
at first i got my mind completely wrapped around it
but than when face to face everything slips away
like writing on a beach washed away by sea
nothing will stick in my mind
and even if i put it down in written form
it wouldn't matter cause it'd look like another language
how m i suppose to express how i feel with words?
if every time the sight or sound of you turns me inside out
so long been waiting to confess to you
not knowing how to express it
inside of my head i'm screaming at myself
for being a coward when it comes to these feelings
watching another enjoyin your touch
but realizing he could never appreciate it the way i would
to put cha right next to me in thrown
how you would come before all others except for our seed
before letting any harm come to you i would bleed
so easy to say it when your walking away
i know you must think me a fool jibbering on to you
bout the weather and what cha plans are for the weekend
without even bothering to ask you out even to buy a soda
girl what i'm tryin to say is that i love you
like the waves love the moon
or plants love the sun
until i meet you my world was so dark
but the stark contrast now is that its dull and gray
and the only to change that is open up and say
i love you....
but that's my dilemma cause i cant find the strength

journey of devilish wings.......

devilish wings of midnight unfold once more
preparing to soar on cosmic winds again
searching for that one to bring light to his darkness
wings beating the stars aside with out remorse
eyes burning with hellish sin
knowing if he finds her the pain will cease to be relentless
across the void he searches for her
many rise up to his call but all are mere shadows
he will not be misguided
his soul burns for her touch knowing the release it'll bring
numbness in his chest will be crushed by her body
a force that none would dare contest
a power daring any in existence to deny the right
a being driven by pure passion forged from raw emotion
these starry wings have beaten across the cosmos for eon
constantly searching for their match in the light
waiting for the day their universe becomes one
and any that dare challenge his right will be crushed
for with out her self destruction would be the only path
but before that chaos would rain from these wings
and the world would share this devils pain

Answer??

I'm wondering right now if i lost it or i just put it up cause i don't need it right now?
It seems to have slipped right through my fingers easily escaping my grasp.
The ability to express my inner most joys or sorrows with the unearthly clarity to such an extent you can relate or take them on as your own
Now how do i give vent to these inner most joys or demons that haunt me?
Is it cause so many have come and related to me or is that i allowed my muse to slip away?
Ragging with in while reaming calm with out with only a few known of what torment i speak of and only a handful of them know all of the reasons.
Have i totally lost focus or has it just been redirected from its original goals?
I don't know feel like a car hydroplaning outta control
Have things changed this much inside of me or is it that we started taken different paths in order to reach the same goal?
Is me that open my hand and just let go or is that we've been savagely ripped apart from each other?
I don't know the answer........

the kind

I'm the kind of man every woman wants, needs, or has in her life.....
the friend......
almost like a brother, in some cases that's the role played, watching her back, helping to pick her up when she's down by any means, explaining that not every guy is an ass, beaten the shit outta guys that disrespect, and sometimes can become the boyfriend or even the husband
the brother......
always has a stronger shoulder to lean on and never quick to judge and always offering a helping hand
the son.......
always obedient and helpful in any situation and try's to keep worries away understanding mama has her hands full
the boyfriend......
always showing affection and in little ways how much your appreciated, always willing to hold your hand even when being clowned by friends cause i know how much it means to you.
the roughneck......
never disrespecting and checking any who do, given you love when you really need and making sure you always taken care of even when playing like i don't care.
the gentleman........
always opening doors and pulling out chairs, walking you to your door and giving you my coat and last bite to eat
the husband........
the king of the household who's rule is fair and just and understanding im nothing with out my queen by my side, so after every disagreement making sure i show you how much i love and appreciate you putting up with me and help raising our family
the father......
protector and care taker always there to pick you up when you fall, there to give you the knowledge to help you better understand men and hoping you never have to endure heartache or pain from one of us....but always keeping a pistol ready just in case.

i feel you

its undeniable what your doing.
i ask myself daily why i even try to stop it.
i feel you pulling away
slowly its happening like the tide retreating
but unlike the tide you wont come back when your gone
yet still i deny it
even though its a losing battle i fight it like cancer
in every way i try to please you more and more
constantly searching new ways to keep you stimulated
but i know deep down its a lost cause
i feel you pulling away
why are you doing this to us?
don't those times we laughed till we cried mean anything?
endless days spent in each others arms
or being content looking into each others eyes
does it not count for anything anymore?
and why must you torment me so?
slowly pulling away pretending to give me a chance
we both know in the end its inevitable
so why even hold out like things will change?
i feel you pulling away
my heart is torn asunder by this bleak reality
that it could find its love and yet be denied
trying to hide this pain is slowly driving me insane
to have come so close to obtaining that ultimate happiness
how i laugh at those past loves i had
for now i truly know their despair
how it hurts
to see you walk away

whats my part gonna be?

just a look and i'm shook down to my core
just a small wave or wink in my direction got me feeling all type of affections towards you
just you speaking no matter what its about has my mind losing focus on everything but you
just the fact you know the type of effect you have on me but not actin beyond that drives me crazy
no problem with flirting and playing round but the minute i even talk bout partially lockin it down you right back to it
just leading to that point where you know you got me but then just lettin me go like its nothing
but you know its over and done with
either you gonna want me as ya man or just have me on demand for that late night creep till you is lock down
let me know how this is gonna go so i can play my part right
either we gonna start on that road or just be friends with presidential benefits
or is it that your scared of what i got to give
known you always gonna get it right day & night
always there when you call and come home at night
soon as you hit that door wanting to know how your day was even if mine was fucked up
a boo that's gonna treat you right 24/7 and not when he want some
a real man by ya side
so what it is shorty
i can play that mr. right now or that mr. right for the rest of ya life
all ya gotta do is let me know is how my part is gonna go but you cant change up on me in the midst of it
ill give my all but only in one form cause i'm not that norm
so either here n now in da moment or happy ever after in da end even with da chance of those dark times on da horizon
no worries i come with a network connect like Verizon
just let me know so my mind can rest easy

something nice & something special

aint it funny how life changes so quickly on us. i mean look at it from children to adolescents, from adolescents to teens, from teens to young adults, and mothers and fathers, to grown ups with families. it passes by quickly but back then didn't it seem to take an eternity? but isn't that something nice? those summer child hood memories. even though may not have many they still shine brightly when given time to reflect. and didn't it happen right before or after you lost hope and felt a bit of neglect even if u didn't realize it? but isn't that how it goes? something special always comes along. its seems like one minute life is just so care free regardless if its right or wrong how you living it, but then next thing u know sun goes down and your left alone in the dark to stumble along not sure which way you going. then it just happens BOOM you run into. at that time and moment you may not realize it but something nice just came along. now if its for the moment or if it last a life time doesn't matter cause it came along at the right time. isn't that how it always is though even though we don't realize it till lata but something special always comes along when we need it the most? and its something so nice and something so special that we carry a piece of it from then on always going back to it in dark and turbulent times. it could be something nice like a puppy or something special like a best friend, or even something nice like a secret spot dat you chill at or something special like dat secret love you creep with out in the open just oblivious to it all. yea something nice & special just like dat. those memories of people, places, and things that came along just when we needed them the most. so its never hopeless just seems that way cause sooner or lata something nice & something special comes your way.

i know eventually

i know eventually mrs. right is gonna find me but until then i'm just looking for mrs. right now to hold me down.
looking for a few endless nights of some of the most blissful erotic pleasure not worrying what tomorrow brings.
i just want a girl right now that knows no strings attached is what is when we get together right then n there just me n her no one else matters but after all said n done we just go our separate ways.
no stress no fuss just a kiss n a lick, a bite n a scratch punctuated by soft, sometimes loud moans and groans.
i guess what i'm saying is i'm looking for a friend with presidential benefits a chick i can call my boo but never my wife.
eventually she'll be just like a sister a down ass rider bitch not to be disrespectful but unless you come at us da wrong way then we come with dat rough play.
type of girl that aint gettin round but knows how to get down n dirty when the time calls for it.
dat kind of chick that after all said n done still brake you off for old time sake until u do find your wifey and then brake dat foot off in your ass if you try to cheat lol

me & u

when it comes to these up's n down's ma we gotta make sure we got longer up's n shorter down's cause the longer we up the happier we'll be and same with the shorter down's we have the better we'll be. think bout it less stress and more smile's and easier to confided in one another to share our inner most thoughts n secrets cause that's what a couple is suppose to do. you suppose to be my other half my better half at times and me yours. your the sunshine that gives my moon the light to glow at night, to let me know that even when its the darkest there's still always hope. and its the same cause it's an equal exchange because we all ways down for each other so when you got cha back up against the wall don't worry i wont let you fall. we can be each others pillar's of strength our love the foundation they stand on. so as long as that's secure regardless if we near or far we have no worries. aint no shame to say we need a lil help from each other at times, we should be a shame if we silent remain to witness one anothers struggles. cause no matter what it is all you gotta do is say the word and what ever i can give is yours so you can endure an weather any storm you going through. and you have to remind me at times its the same way for me cause pride comes before the fall. so as long as we looking out for each other and don't allow another to come between can you really see any thing we cant accomplish?

another look

i want my mind to stop spinning and sticking with these sicken sinful thoughts. i want to really say i grew up instead of saying i'm tired of throwing up physically and mentally after hearing and seeing some of the things in my life. maybe i haven't been exposed or seen as much horror in my life as some of ya'll but i still say mine comes close in certain junctions in the chain of the scheme of things. so tired that i want a quick end but cause of chivalry i wanna prolong it to a slow agonizing death just so the ones i care for can have a good life. stretching myself over this sacrificial stone for no apparent reason accept just cause it sounded like the best thing at the time. a quick minute to be recognized and adored right before i let em slam the sword through my back pinning me. there's nothing i can do now cept carry it to my grave. the weight of others lies and truths i carry willingly cause of this self righteous view i carry. the light is right and dark is wrong regardless until i stumbled into the gray and lost my way. now i see the world as a hungry endless beast just waiting to devour any pour lost soul or twisted one for that fact. its chain is wrapped tight around all of our throats tinged a sickly green that we come to accept as life instead of poison that it is. we hunger for it more and more even though its value lessens each turn of the clocks ticking. so sicken but what else can we do? but i'm rambling a bit now let me get back to why i'm so sick. been standing still telling the world i'm makin moves and only stepping left n right in short lil spurts always seem to land right back in the same spot even after makin changes to extend my steps. i keep reaching but it seems i keep slipping further down into oblivion even though the light is shining right in my face. so should i give up or just change tact? fall back or relax n let my mind clear? i don't know cause right now this weight is crushing me and the only escapes i see is a new found enslavement or death which both seems repulsive to me. but then again our lives are based on living with taken the lesser evil to get to the greater good. if i think about its like living in a war torn hood where allies change with convenience of whats offered to help along your cause. so i'm take a quick pause to retreat into my tormented mind and see if this hazy maze can offer up any fleeting thoughts of momentary peace.

a look inside

what do you do when your soul is on fire? when its burning in agonizing pain?
when you beg for answers and they are slow to come? what can you do when you wander aimlessly about inside your own dark world with no way of escape?
how do you deal with all of your reality folding in on itself? how can you help heal those around you when you cant heal your self?
is there anything to stop the insanity when it sets into your brain? when your will just gives in to mind numbing pain?
why is that after finding the light once more its snatched away with a snicker an more false promises? how do you conquer your self with out destroying apart of one self?
if any one has the answers let me in on them. let a brother copy a few notes so he can keep his head above the water. give me a retreat to pull myself back from the brink and come back swinging.
tell me how can i truly find self peace when all i want to do is rip my self to pieces?
how do i dry up these un-shed tears that sit and fester inside to slowly poison n corrupt my soul?
is it possible to continue to be a source of light when all inside off you is foul and corrupt?
how can an angel soar with out their wings? or how can one remain pure when they've given into the ultimate of sins?
how do you face your self after lookin inside and screaming from the sights buried deep inside your own psyche? to maintain sanity after thinkin such insane thoughts?
how do you conquer your own self made demons?

thoughts of mine

it seems like there is nothing to hold onto anymore but i wouldn't give up this feeling of flying for nothing naw couldn't be falling cause i feel to great not having anything to hamper me in these thoughts of liberation taken time to get myself together trying to be rid of all these frustrations that plague my every happy thought seems like right now nothing really matters not that i don't care but it seems like i'm just beyond that point right now just letting things be only being nudge by the bare minimal of these feelings that we have such a great sensation or is just that i'm imagining this blissful feelin? oh well i guess what i'm suppose to be worried about its the storm after this calm the foreboding is there but right now i ignore it just like an old man not worried bout death for have come to accept it as a long awaited friend looking forward to meet after living a good life yea u may say its not right but then again we live in a world where sanity isn't a common thing for if it was why would we be at each others throats this way disliking each other cause of our different beliefs and principals some of us do need to just drop dead bringing down others cause our own lives just suck like stank ass but step in my way n i'm bound to run through ya if i cant just walk round u other wise i'm just thinkin n waiting & hoping & prayin for the next best thing but until then ill ponder on these thoughts of mine.

energy

energy is all around us
in everything we do and touch
that's why i cant stand negative or angry people
cause even when they leave their energy remains
and you take a piece of it knowingly or not
and its hard to catch ourselves when we get caught
especially when so much is around us
one minute u can be laughin n jokin with a friend
an then your at each other throats
all because someone else was having a bad day
an just chance may have it they passed your way
but you cant let your self get swamped with it
gotta be able to balance your own energy to deal
so what ever way u do just create a quick step for it
that way when negative energy hits your ready for it
and you may even calm that other person down
so if i seemed a lil short im sorry i just had to get rid
of some negative energy n didn't mean to send it
your way.

one of the hardest

one of the hardest things to do is to say good bye
even if its only for a moment
cause u know that's all it takes for it to last forever
regardless if its a friend or loved one
we rather say see you lata instead of goodbye
it seems to give us a sense of longevity u can say
lets us believe for a moment they'll be there 4ever
but sometimes you know you have to say it
and it breaks the heart when you do
especially for those you dearly cherish
it can be an almost impossible thing
the reasons for it are all to common
but seem like such alien things
of course natural causes, or man made ones
or just the fact they move away
or you've out grown that relationship for a moment
or for the rest of your life but you still leave it open
give them room to come back or for you to go back
but sometimes u let them go cause u know
its 4 da best
even so its never easy to actually say it
to really look them in the eyes and let them know
this is the final goodbye

let me be this

so frustrating this feeling
not being able to express this sensation
soul shaken, body tingling, heart aching sensation
this mind bending feeling
nerve numbing experience
entire being is assaulted by it
fearing and yet begging for more of it
some are lucky to have that once in a life time experience
but that is a crueler fate to have only once
but to experience it again and again
truly the best high unnatural or naturally felt
so addicting once its found and comprehended
i guess it can be compared to what they say when
your elf struck
well if so ill be that forbidden fairytale for you
that dark mysterious character that comes to corrupt you
letting you glimpse all the dark pleasurable delights
and to fulfill them all for you in endless nights under stars
to leave you yearning for another chance filled night
let me be this dark forbidding passion if just for a night

your true desire

so what is that you seek?
another story you wish me to speak?
another tell of forbidden passion and desire
to tease and arouse your sense's
to leave you begging for more
another story to leave you yearning for more of my touch
to leave you only partially satisfied
your hunger brought to a ravenous tempo
leaving your body aching and shaking
do you want me to weave more tells
of half glimpsed fantasies seen under moonlight
do you want that yearning fulfilled
or more teasing pleasures to build up to the climax
tell me what is your true desire?

indirect

so what is it that im seeking?
been thinking about it for awhile
that feeling at the back of my mind like something missing
or something is just not right with this current situation
i mean its good no lie about that
the lovin and sexing that we do for endless nights
heated passion and pleasure that burns away all worries
and yet it stills feel like we're missing part of this story
or is it the fact i sense the end close at hand?
but if so what is this intangible yearning?
is it a bit more spice to this sex life that i seek?
or is it truly i have yet found myself complete?
fulfilled like an overstuffed cat feed well on the best dish
my sixth-sense just wont stop poking me allowing no rest
one minute content and next i'm searching abroad
cant lie my eye has been wandering the sea of beauty
admiring the different dishes that have passed me by
i guess i know the answer i seek
but yet its still more i figure that has yet to speak
acknowledging it self to me
temptation runs high beneath this open sky
starting to realize the depths yet to be explored in life
i do wonder if i leave will your cries be like thunder
tears falling like the heaviest blanket of rain
to pound your frustration and hurt on to my ears
hopefully to rely their pain n hurt
to my so suddenly iced over heart?
but before you start to accuse me let it be known
not once i have "roamed away from home"
yes thoughts have wandered abroad
but never has the thought become action
just that i need a true satisfaction
i don't know what it is that i want or need
just the fact i realized something or someone else
is out there calling for my attention
so i guess this is my little confession
but still the answer i seek is yet unspoken
or is that i just wish to fail to realize?

&.......

i can be your greatest friend & lover
you can lean on me through the good & bad
i'll always be right there by your side to help
all you gotta do is turn around & there ill be
but i'm gonna be the one you hate the most
the thought of me will sicken you to no end
ill be the one to hurt you the most
& do you wanna know the reason?
it's cause you know im that one for you
in this life & the next
this world & any other
i'm your other half for good or bad
the one that'll give you their all
& you'll do the same for me
cause deep down you know you were made for me
& i for you
for every tear i make you cry
twice as many laughs we'll share together
& the worst thing we'll fear
the worst thing we'll hate
is needing each other to much
& that'll be what we love the most
we'll cherish forever
is knowing we'll always be their for each other

torn

this night i lost myself in your arms
i couldn't believe i let it happen
but oh what sweet bliss i found between your thighs
yet i despise that happiness we found together
it haunts me every wakening moment
i relish the memory for the warmth it offers me
but then i curse it for the feelings it stirs inside me
my loins ache with the want
mouth waters for the taste
and yet my stomach rebels at the thought
i cant believe your touch does this to me
one moment i crave it and next i despise it
everything that i wanted yet was denied
everything i despise yet was given
i'm trapped between heaven and hell
my prison is my flesh
and you my jailer
but at the same time your my savior
the one i beg to deliver me from this torment
yet i'm torn between wanting this freedom
and despising what it will give me
i'm just not ready
i'm torn

how can i tell?

i thought i had dreamless nights but whats happening is that i'm having sleepless nights with to many dreams colliding and running together that i don't know when i'm dreaming or awake. endless dreams that constantly assault me with their calming spells calling me constantly begging me to just let my self slip back in to utter bliss. they haunt me while i'm awake or is it when i'm sleep? these dreams these dreams these wonderful dreams. some times they hold so much meaning and at others just utter nonsense only there to confuse and send me astray. such sweet dreams such bitter dreams that walk hand in hand. i embrace them yet i despise them for some lift me up while others drag me down. these dreams will either liberate me or enslave me but how can i tell?

Tease

a quick kiss a soft caress and your breath catchs
slow lick and quick flick makes your body shiver
gently suck on your neck and caress your thigh
fingers run down my chest and then up my back
your spine bends as my mouth draws in your breast
sharp cry of pain and joy as my finger finds your wet open cavern
my finger mimics my tongue so one tempos changes the other
as your nipple grows hard my teeth tease it gently
then i switch sides to recreat the answer of my work
slowly i glide my tongue down to your naval
seeking and searching i lick and kiss it
gently blowing across to tickle the wetness i left behind
and creep down to that delicious honey pot
only to leave you wanting more as the dream begins to fade

This obsession

i want this to be smooth and to flow
but instead my motions are jerky and jaged
the pen slices through the paper
feels like a knife through my heart
but i cant ceasce untill its all out in the open
what ever these emotions that drive me
like my blood running from an open wound
the ink just wont ceasce to bleed onto the paper
ceaping through to stain the table
leaving a testament of the silent war that raged
to leave a slight indent in the volumes of history
but im sure it'll be easily over looked
so furiestly i sit here writing and thinking
and deeper and deeper these wounds to paper run
quicker and quicker my bleeding heart pumps
nothing to stop this insanity that i call passion
im obsessed with being remebered for something great
regardless if i became famous or infamous
the need for it is greater then the love for sweet pure air in lungs
i wont ceasce untill this slight indent is a great scar or imprint
till these anuuals of history scream there acknowledgement of me

wondering

I sit here looking at this blank piece of paper
Thinking of another way to pour my soul through this pen
But my mind is blank after diggin ideas with this scraper
Nothing comes to the surface to bleed and blend
Silence is roaring through me
While I chew my lip in anticapation
But I guess it just wont be
Nothing to express these varied sinsations
The beast just slumbers with in
Not even great anger or passion moves it
Heh not even after so many wonderful sins
Well I guess I've finally reached eternal bliss
Or my muse has once again abandon me

i knoe

I know its been awhile since i stopped by
Yea it has taken me sometime just to say hi
A few things where just on my mind
Just seems like for awhile I've just been walking blind
Many times I caught myself ready to pick up the phone
Because I just couldnt stand being alone
But thats not a good enough reason to put you through
Especially after all the things you use to do
I really couldnt appreciate your worth
Now I gotta sit here and be the one hurt
I guess Im starting to get clarity
Of how much you really meant to me
But I'll never admit that to your face
Cause at the end I just want these feelings to cease.

for even in my dreams

i dreamed of scorching sand and hot winds
i dreamed of lookin at starie skys
i dreamed of riding across open plains
i dreamed of soaring through the air
but these dreams always come to an end
sometimes the turn to nightmares
instead of scorching sand its an inferno of molten rock
instead of starie skys the sky is cracked and scared
instead of open plains it was valleys of bones
instead of soaring i was falling
these constantly assault me when i sleep and wake
and when not being bombared i sleep in oblivion
restless oblivion
feeling the cold touch of the next but not being able to see
that is my biggest fear
not being able to see
for even in my dreams my vision is blurry
for even in my dreams i can never truly see clearly
for even in my dreams my sight seems weaken
for like in my dreams my life seems faded

can u answer me?

it seems constantly i come to cross roads and wonder what to do with my life. well so far it seems like i havent done much if i messasure it to the extrem of lifes sucess and yet if i measure it to the hopeless i have come along way and yet i feel like i have acomplished so little compared to the choices and chances i've been offered. i constant wonder what it is that makes some great regardless if its good or bad, and why the rest just are. i guess im just second guessing to much but i feel if i dont question myself then ill truly let my self down but at the same time i feel like im holding myself back to much. what is that truly moves me?

bayin wolf

i throw my head back and cry at moonless sky
this mournfull howl of a broken heart
when did this pain start?
i love her but right now she's beyond my reach
she loves me but she knoes she'll never really have me
one of these hearts will be broken
mine has already shattered time and again
which will join the remainin pieces of mine on the floor?
and even still it seems that we beg for more
i want the moon and the sun to shine together
but i might as well move the heavens with my anger
it was wrong from the start yet we still took that leap
have yet to land but already i feel defeat
tears are shead daily but hidden oh so well
why do put ourselves through this tormented hell?
why did i even come up from the deep?
oh lord my heart is to weak
i through my head back and cry at a moonless sky
this mournfull howl of a broken heart

a glimps

been called amongst the stars
to walk through the heavens with immortals
but im not yet ready
i dont feel like this life has given all
something still is left unsaid
a few things still left undone
or maybe i presume to much
maybe i was just given a glimps to strive 4
was it a dream or a vision?
actually what is the difference?
i just knoe no wings to fly with yet
havent been through nearly enough yet
yea even though i claim to
my soul isnt grown enuff yet still a child
my years are merely seconds in enternity
but an enternity can last 4eva in a second
so a glimps into....into what?

im just thinkn

for a minute i was bout to give up on life, tired of tryn to get those diamonds shining like tv, half of em is fake anyway, but finally the reallness is back, not just talkn bout what they got, but what they've been through or still are going through, but yea def gave a fresh new breath to me, now can sit back and breave easy, nothing special just a new focus on life, no hype in da streets, hahaha lil street cred at all, but sooner or lata ya gonna get dat call, gonna see one day n yup gonna be me, but till then sit back and dream and sweat my ass of till it's dat time, either infront or behind da camra but either way i have to make it

predicament

taken a step but the road has started to crumble
now no way to go back but cant move on
nothing but gaping caverns separating each side
reality seems to have twisted in on it self
voices are running rampant through my head
those of lovers,angels,demons, and my own
getting hard to separate one from another
thoughts are so confusing now
no way for my mind to relax
vision is foggy again
cant see decisions clearly any more
all feelings are starting to go numb
at least no more pain can be felt
just have to suffer through till the end

how do u....?

how do u make a star cry?
how do u make the heavens envy you?
how do u make the most beautiful beings in creation weep?
how do u make the comose shutter in ecstasy and pain?
how do u make the universe bend in difference to u for a moment?
how do u make the angels and demons cry out in joy and pain?
how do u make the all of creation give up its deepest secretes?
how do u make the love of your life realize your alive?
you steal the heart of an angel, the jewel of the heavens, and you deny the kiss, affection, and love of all and let your heart turn cold after being so pure for so long. you give into your darkest temptations and denie the reason and kindness of your trueself. u let it all overwhelm you and then you overwhelm it with your passionate anger. and then after all of that you give up on the chase and let it all start to chase you. give into wild abandonment. actually how the hell do i knoe?

why cant i?

why cant i brake these unseen chains?
why cant i just let myself lose all control?
why cant i get over these self doubts?
why cant i conquer myself?
why cant i make her see me?
why cant i dream anymore?
why cant i honstely tell her the way i feel?
why cant i shout out in joy instead of pain?
why cant i just live life to the fullest?
why cant i stop second guessing myself?
why cant i?

i wanna knoe

i wanna knoe is there ever gonna be a chance a chance that i can look into your eyes and knoe peace to hold you in my arms and offer up a piece of security softly kiss you with passion and caress you with passion i wanna knoe will there be a time of endless pleasure a time where the look in each others eyes are the same to knoe that there isn't another out there like you or me knowing that on some other level we're complete i wanna knoe if one day we can compliment each other's strengths and weakness that even if truly we cant say we're in love that we do love the friendship we have built through all our joined trials and tribulations i wanna knoe if i can't be your lover can i at least become one of your closest friends?

why now

what is this feeling thats haunting me?
me the dark passionate dessire that hunts all
why is it now decieding to arise after such a long slumber?
many have i hunted and seduced for the pure enjoyment
but now i stand here shaking to the core once more
why now does it call to me so sweetly and strongly?
why now does it demand my attention?
why now?
when iam almost at my best, when i have given over to my true being
now when i've tracked so many to seduce into given me sweet delights
why now does love decide to hunt me after i've given up searching?
now i can hear its sweet voice whispering to me of all the joys it brings
it drowns my sense's in its sweetness and kindness
my head bows in differnce to it instead of lifting to sound the call to hunt
i knoe its out there watching me as i have watched so many others
soon it will overcome me as i have so many others
and just like those that have subcome to me i knoe i can not resist it
even though i have cursed it and given up i will not be able to denie it
what is this feeling that we call love?
and why now?

my proposal

spit words like Shakespear
type of nigga with no fear
so come on ma have a care
it aint gotta be sexual
it could be intellectual
i just wanna get next to you
i gotta plan to raise my statues
and I wanna bring you along
cause you look strong
type of girl that i can wife
sleep next to you for da rest of my life
bring you homes to moms
i aint scared to meet your pops
trust me girl
I can give you da world

sweet tragedy

looked up at the sky and saw your eyes looked down at the grass and felt your caress looked around because i thought i heard your laugh closed my eyes and felt your smile shook my head because i tried to remember your words that night we spent in utter-bliss i miss the way are hearts beat in unison how are bodies and souls became one lost all control at the peak took a minute to speak held each other for awhile damn i miss your smile looked in your eyes and realized i was lost knew what you was going to say some how i couldn't turn away i rose out of bed and walked to the window turned to see your body bathed in moonlight you were so beautiful i wanted to cry turned away and asked the lord why felt your arms around me knew then you had me put your face in my back i started to relax then you did it you said "I Love You"and then god took you before i could say it I Love You Too

the plea

i'm barely living
going through every day barely breathing
damn it's hard to think
lost everything in da blink of an eye
some one please tell me the secret to life
can't sleep at night
look up everyday at the sky
god how i wish i could fly
take off to a foreign place
fly up to those pearly gates
finally thought i found the perfect place
damn how it all blew up in my face
lord please show me the way
tell me i'll get to see a better day
how i dream of that blissful peace

ragging

i sit back with a pen-n-pad to figure out why im so mad
to spill my guts on a piece of paper
that'll end up in the can
can't understand, damn
so much hate inside of me
gotta find a way to release the anger and pain
and maintain my soul at the same time
and i swear never to shed a tear again
and if you could understand why
then you'd probably cry for me
but even then it wouldn't matter
cause of the sins that i committed
none can be forgiven
so until the end i turn my face from heaven light
only to embrace the cooled fires of hells night

a warriors good bye

a good time to die
no reason to say good bye
i cut all my mortal ties
no reason for you to cry
time to go on to the next life
see you in the after life
till then hope you have a good life
i never meant to lie
started to realize
made a lot of mistakes while alive
in da end it's alright
i died on a good night

if i only could

meant to call you last night
needed to apologize for the fight
should of said that i loved you
instead i said i cant stand you
should of held you close
instead i said get lost
wish i could erase everything i said
and tell you how i truly feel
on a level i know you already knew the truth
but i still wish i could have said it to you
took a chance that night
wish i could erase that sight
you crying cause of what i said
but i'm truly sorry
cause it wont be anything compared
to those words i never said
and never will say
cause now im dead

hunt

darkness all round only stars to light the way
wind flowing over and around me
lift my head back to enjoy the sensation
oh how exhilarating the nights can be
feel like shouting out in joy
must be quiet otherwise will be discovered to soon
eyes focus and scan the surrounding brush
nose flares as the familiar scent of the prey is discovered
throw back my head and let the howl brake my throat
the hunt is on as i crash into the undergrowth after my prey
no pack to run with but never truly alone
the night is my companion always with its moon and its stars
oh how graceful my prey is leaping and lunging this way & that
but all in vain oh though more stimulating is the chase then any
into a clearing we enter against a cliff wall
i begin to shift my form as i approach her slowly
the doe is frighten but excited and the scent is to intoxicating
she wants this as much as i do
mouth pulls back into a ferocious grin of triumph
her back is pressed against the wall breast heaving
i take her into my arms and press my face into her neck
her arms wrap around me bringing me in close
oh the fun we will have this night.

bliss

heart aching, heart racing, oh the anticipation
muscles flexing, muscles stretching, oh the exhilaration
soft groans, loud moans, oh the sensation
soft kisses, rough licks, oh the stimulation
mind numbing pleasure is all that is felt
hands grasping, arms flailing as if drowning
back arches, legs bend from constant pleasure
light spasm then hard shivering as climax is reached
loud grunts and soft screams as pounding continues
sweat dripping, lips searching as the cycle begins to cease
moment of bliss is all that i want to give to you

bitter sweet

ever have something bitter & sweet at the same time?
of course you have
ever feel bitter & sweet at the same time?
of course you have
your heart ever soar so high but felt so low?
of course it has
your heart ever feel torn between more then one person?
of course it has
its so sweet that love can know no bounds oh such joy it knows
yet its so bitter when bonds are place upon it as choices
which one to love and which one to let go?
which one do you hold close and which one do you push away?
which one do you console and which one you just let cry?
i don't know i don't know
lord why is this such a torn path?
why does the heart know such joy and pain at the same time?
try & try & try so damn hard not to get close
and then when it happens try & try & try so hard not to hurt em
and when that happens try & try & try so hard to make it right
and when that doesn't happen try & try & try so hard to forget
but that never truly happens, oh the pain lessens but still remains
sometimes its all we can do from going insane
well what do you do when you heart is to that point
and you refuse to let any of em go?
how you yearn to bring pleasure to their physical and mental
wishin to please em all at once cause you know they deserve it
but what happens when feelings truly get involved?
yea some of em just want you to satisfy that feeling of lust
but others want you to satisfy that feeling of love
sometimes that line blurs and who to say which is which
emotions are the ultimate bitch but you gotta love em

a tru peek

i swear i got one hella split persona mean with this pen in hand i'm either a true beast or gentleman well i guess it's not that unusual we all go through right?but to meet me in person only some of it leaks through calm laid back reserved and quiet is what i am and a bit silly but with this pen i'm the strongest of the strong one of the sweetest of the sweet or i can be the meanest you ever seen what is a poet with no tears?is not the poetry i write meant to cause that exact thing to make your heart and mind weep with feelings and thoughts to take you to the highest peak with triumph or to the deepest pits with defeat a poet that lets no emotion enter into their work is unheard of but truly that is who i have become these words though my own are truly not this other side or sometime multiple sides take over me i'm blind until the end result and surprised at what i write lol i guess i got the upper hand cause you can call this the tearless poets true confession i'm not a fraud or a fake just an individual torn to the extreme

what i

what do i need?
hmmm let me think.....
there are a bunch of things i could say
but only few would really matter
so i'm cut to the chase
i need a lady in da streets but a hella freak in da bed
i need her touch, her kiss, and her caress
to feel her body pressed against mine
right now i just need one or two
not gonna lie i do need a wifey to keep my head straight
but if i can get a few dat don't mind
being there only part of the time
ill be honest and let em know just lookin for fun
but if dat wifey come along gotta kick em to da curb
unless she one hella freak and let em in only during weekends
so what is it dat i need?
i need dem gurls dat will rock my world
wont get to attached and will let me know whats really good
and understand when i do fall for one da others gotta go
unless she say so
actually that's all just smoke in da air
i just need my brains screwed out really bad
hahahahahahahahaha
but hey right now that's what i really need
dont call me a dawg or say i got a dirty mind
i was up front and 100% with mine

just a thought

i sit back and pull on this herb
yes this is the one they say is so destructive
but in my reality it relaxes me and helps me think
see i am not addicted to it it is addicted to me
how do you say because it needs me to be
sure others will grow him/her/it
but i'm one that gives it meaning
maybe i'm just so into it that i don't realize that i am
or maybe its just the fact that i'm on another level altogether
i just know that some of my best ideas and thoughts appear from it
not a constant use but when it is oh how i can claim
a mental of a genius but then who cant
oh well that's not the reason for this
just a thought that crossed my mind on why life is how it is
for some we can speak our fortune or misfortune into being
others just have the luck of the draw or don't
and then again there are us who rise above even those standards
like it was already destined for us to be this way
for instance how is it one man can control the many
when it should be the many who control the one
some just have that extra what ever you wanna call it
but its always up to you to follow or lead
so i go back to pullin on this herb and thinkin of other words
not sure if you got this and don't really care
as long as you just respect my thoughts and ill respect yours
rather kick peace to you then kick out your teeth
but we all must know when to fight and when to speak

just thinkn how....

i cant see anything any more
the fog has gotten as thick as mud
everything was once so clear
now here on the battlefield
can barely tell friend from foe
not even in the service yet
but life is nothing but a big battle field
trying to make sure that fam and friends all make it
but cant do that unless i'm ok my self
and we all know none of us are ever 100%
some who you thought where friends where enemies in disguise
only hope is to realize that before the last second
i cant see anything any more
that's what i get for not planning ahead and only living for the now
now i'm struggling just to keep my head above the water
i feel so useless at times and at others so full of myself
its getting harder and harder to tell up from down
where the fuck do i go now?
one minute i'm so sure next don't have a clue at all
some one please help me.

a lost....

what are these visions?
oh these erotic and sensual visions
i thought i had forgotten you
tried to put these thoughts deep down inside
why now do they decide to taunt me
to plague my waken moments
oh how my body aches for that lost touch
sweet soft caress and kiss
my body weeps silently for that lost love
oh correction that lost lust
for in the end that's all you had wanted me for
to give nothing but pleasure
and to receive nothing in return
oh how i still can not bring my self to forget you
to despise you for the way you did me
how could i when it was oh so good
a taste that my senses could never erase
oh how i try not to weep for my lost.......

sayin goodbye

when i found you it was one the happiest days in my life
a friend i could count on through thick and thin
had you by side through it all no matter what
never thought that we fall apart
you had lifted me up and sheltered me from the worst
help me sleep and think clearly on every thing
but now look at us
i cant stand you half the time anymore
just like the rest you have turn around and hurt me
you who were the best of em all
or that's what i thought at the time
i still got love for you
but its just i only need you for certain reasons now
your still gonna be one of my best
but just like the rest i only call you when i need you
i'm sorry but we cant keep walking down this path
but i know your there when i need you
it was sweet while it lasted and i'm sure it will be again
but till then i gotta put you on da back burner and let you simmer
cause if i let in you deep again i know you'll just destroy me
so i got let the hold lose on you
its hard but i gotta say good bye to my passionate anger

thinkin

been thinking and wonderin
what is really important
i mean family and friends
loved ones as well
school for the most part
and workin for what you want
living life to the fullest
that could mean just loving all the lil things
or partying till you drop
but what is important
did i already answer the question
or just started the chain for more
think think think
what is it that we strive for

im sorry.....

im sorry.......
i didnt meant to.....please understand......
im sorry......
this pain that i caused you.......it wasnt meant.........
im sorry........
tried to change........i did but......why?
im sorry.........
what is that........oh forget it.........wait dont........
im sorry........
i tried to tell you.......well i meant to tell you.......
im sorry......
this isnt how i wanted it........why is that you cant look at me......
im sorry......
it wasnt my fault.......well at least not all........
im sorry.......
turn and walk out the door........wait i.........
im sorry........
for any hurt that i brought but i tried my best with all my heart

a journey of the heart

the pain is always the same
well not always but its close enough
the losin of what you thought was that true love
that hurtful despair after-ward's
but we forget that its just another lesson we have to learn
just one more obstacle we have to conquer
for some we get lucky but for us others its the experience
so in the end we may not have had that one
but i would say we are the lucky ones in a way
cause not all will be bad and the hurt wont be as harsh
if we stay true the endless nights that we can reflect on are bliss
we would have experienced many loves that where true
yes it still hurts not to have one we can call our own
but havin had so many to love and that loved us truly in return
its the next best thing to it
no we don't have to be physically intimate every-time
love comes in many forms and we must remember that
when searchin and seeking and hoping and wishing
a true love is what we all wish for
but the journey that you take to find it can be just as rewarding

come with me

come on and take this journey with me
who cares where we end up lets just go
we can go to the stars or heavens above
to the deepest depths or hells below
does it matter as long as we have one another?
the longer the better so come lets begin
any challenge we can conquer as long as we're together
we'll be each others shield
my strength shall complement your weakness and vi-sa ver-sa
no matter what is thrown our way we will come out on top
i'm willing to put all on the line so what are you worried for?
a journey threw the fabric of reality it self is what i want
to the ends of time and space beyond all reasoning and back
lets go lets go......why wait? lets go lets go before its to late
a leap of faith is all it takes
ill catch you when you fall as long as you do the same for me
we can be the greatest of the great hero or villain
just as long as when the end comes we stand strong together
so come on and follow me on this wild adventure
no telling where we end up but who cares as long as its together
all the new friends and enemy's we meet is only half the fun
in the end will be stronger for all of the trial and tribulations
so come on and grab my hand and lets begin shall we
let the winds of time take us
spread our wings wide and plunge into life's uncertainties

walking......

walking.....where i don't know and right now i don't really care just as long as i can keep moving.....life seems so great right now but as per-usual something comes along.....seem so happy out side but in.......fuck it who cares......well seems like a few but i wonder.....walking.....where i don't know and right now i don't really care just as long as i can keep moving.....need to get back on the ball.....eh but i still don't know what i want in life.....i do but just to many things......damn when will i wake up from this dream.....or is it a nightmare again?.......what ever.......walking.......where i don't know and right now i don't really care just as long as i can keep moving.....so many seem honestly happy......i'm not jealous....not my style.......i really applaud them but......but what about mine......i'm human so i'm gonna be selfish.....i cant truly be happy for others till i'm happy for my self......eh oh well i have the courtesy at least not to ruin there's.......walking.....where i don't know and right now i don't really care just as long as i can keep moving.....starting to have second thoughts bout leaving......no i'm sure i want to.....but still......awwww fuck these uncertainties that plague me......once was so sure not scared of a damn thing......hmmm guess i matured.....at least a lil bit......cant run this time.....nope i'm sure im go in.......but still it......walking......where i don't know and right now i don't really care just as long as i can keep moving...........

my wings my wings

my wings my wings my black inky wings
as black as the night sky with its glittering jewels
my wings my wings my black inky wings
they hold their own eternal sparkling light
my wings my wings my black inky wings
which have carried me to the lowest depths and the highest peaks
my wings my wings my black inky wings
how they show the turmoil of my soul
my wings my wings my black inky wings
they like my soul once shined as bright as day for all to see
my wings my wings my black inky wings
at first it was only individual feathers as i grew and tasted of life
my wings my wings my black inky wings
they turned once i knew the hellish pleasures of this world
my wings my wings my black inky wings
the stars in them remind all that I may still be redeemed
my wings my wings my black inky wings
now lay battered and broken around my shoulders
my wings my wings my black inky wings
once my greatest strength now my greatest weakness
my wings my wings my black inky wings
they shone so proudly and once so boastful
my wings my wings my black inky wings
once of righteous goodness now of hellish pride they are cursed
my wings my wings my black inky wings
lay around my shoulders heavy with sins committed
my wings my wings my black inky wings
redemption seems like an almost forgotten dream but hope stays
my wings my wings my black inky wings
i look up and see their reflection in the heavens calling me
my wings my wings my black inky wings
they have been reborn into this as i have been reborn in sin
my wings my wings my black inky wings
grow strong again as do i on the road to redemption
my wings my wings my black inky wings
will hold all my secrets and yet give them away for all to see
my wings my wings my black inky wings
our journey has just truly begun

the gates

i sit in front blocking these gates
why do they ask and i respond i'm waiting for mine to come
what they ask and i respond the one that may complete me
anger is their first response and a smile is mine
uncertainty is their second and a grin is mine
i say do not challenge my right to be happy for i do not deny you
what reason do you have to come to these gates
when already you found yours or are you looking to trade
how i would love to find one i can shower with gifts
not worldly for my riches are heaven sent
no i'm not a prophet but a child of them i be as well the heavens
mine are that of unending love and joy and pain
oh yes there can not exist one with out the others in my world
no i do not rule them nor they me but coexist we must
or else nothing will be worth obtaining
so i sit in front of these gates because sooner or lata mine arrives
till then chersie the one that you behold in da hearts eye

tired but still wanting

my sword is cleansed and placed back in its sheath
rare is are the times it partakes of blood
is it physical or mental?
just know that either way its serious
no such thing anymore as righteous fury
rage is never blind even when one temporary lose the mind
neither is love for that matter it just chooses not to see
guess ill sit back and just keep hopin that i do find mine
love or self fulfillment which ever comes first
tired of reaching out and not getting a response
came up from the darkness cause i thought i heard the call
lol false calls is all i've been hearing
but this passion needs to be sated but i'm tired of looking
ill just let my passion consume me
since it cant find another
tired of reaching and searching
once this beast has run its course
again i can give in to that deep dark soothing peace
but till then ill place a beaken and they can come to me

split persona

deep down inside nothing but a beast
outside on top all you see is peace
all i show and all i know is how to love
but now and days that seems like a lost cause
truly love one but at the same time i love so many
yea its sad but cant be mad that's just who i am
passion hotter then a suns inferno simmers blow da skin
either its for pain or pleasure you chose which one
twisted mental that few can comprehend
highly sadistic when seeking revenge
calm thoughts and relaxing sounds keeps demons with in
once broken who's known what mayhem will begin
give you a choice as simple as it may sound
love me with everything or ill hate you for nothing
no sense made yet but oh it will be clear.

what is this feeling we call

does it really last for ever or is it just wishful thinking?
can it truly cross and over come any obstacle?
is it restrained to just one or can it know no limit?
if its forever then how can it end?
why does it hurt so much and then why does it feel so good?
why does it push us to untold limits of rage and passion?
if it worth it then why do so many give up on it?
why is it that we try so hard to change for it but never do?
what is this fucking feeling that plays such an important part?
yet when it comes down to it in the end just a cold emptiness.
what the fuck does love really mean or does it even really exist?
lock my heart back up and let the darkness set in till the end
only love i have is for the ones that came before the naming of it.
family and friends will always have it no matter what
but for the rest i could give a fuck.
try so hard to embrace it and do right by it
but it eventually goes astray.
guess i'm one of the unfortunate
but i'm also one of the lucky ones
i have no restraints and yet i have to many
why is that love does this to us?

the beginning of a legacy

a thought turns into a gesture
a gesture turns into a caress
a caress turns into a kiss
a kiss turns into something more or less
the kiss is broken and we pull back
a moment of hesitation and the moment starts to fade
the magic is almost gone and then you smile
the passion in your eye knows no denial
its obvious we wont stop
neither of us will say no
a kiss turns into a unsure touch
a unsure touch turns into a sure one
our clothes hit the floor and then we start to explore
a kiss, a lick, a soft bite on the neck
the passion and desire is almost unbearable
in the moment i look into your eyes i can see our future
this is not just a single moment that will fade
like a forgotten dream
no this is the moment we start our legacy together
i penetrate and all doubts are lost
like a forgotten dream when the sun rises
kissin an biting, licking an sucking, moaning an groaning
this is all we know in this unending moment
then the unforgiven explosion that rocks our souls
in that moment another life is formed
this is the start of our family.

everywhere, nowhere, everything, nothing

sit back and reminisce bout my life
how i done nothing, and yet i've done everything
how i been nowhere, and yet i've been everywhere
how i never known love, and yet how i cant forget it
how i never knew heart ache, and yet i been its friend for so long
how i could never hate, and yet i hate so much
how i could never love, and yet i love to much
yeah my life hasn't been special, and yet my life is so unique
look at your life and you'll see just what i mean.

confused feelings

this feeling
so alien yet so familiar
changes up a bit every time
but then again who you care bout is different to
not sure how true it is
what i mean how far it goes
i know its pretty far
but still a little confused
wanna do my best not to hurt either of us
but that's why feelings is like a double blade
try so hard not to interfere with them
but eventually you do cause you get scared of em
don't wanna relive past tragedy
even though its a different love this time round
problem is love cant be restrained
many different type of loves
some are more clear then others
and then some so blurry you don't know if up is down or down is up
yeah really confused

forbidden

a burning passion
unending desire
this heartfelt ache
oh its so blinding
pleasurable senastions assaulting the mental
seductive suggestions wispering to spirtual
give into the temptation
even if its only for a second
let your body dance the forbidding dance
all the while enjoying seductive fruits
licking and bitting such ectasy filled fruit
uttering unearthly pleasure filled sounds
wings of angels and demons joining
to watch this uneartlhy sight
listing and wispering encouraging this heavenly sin

unknown

my wings are black as the night sky
rage is all that fills my eyes
heart is heavy with pain untold
so hard to keep control
many around feel the same way
one day we will all explode
but i see mine as being greater
reason why is that so many underestimate
keeping a level head till time is right
to unleash this hellish might
rage is so righteous with the beauty it holds
the beauty of chaos and war
one of the highest of art forms
only thing that compares is the love i hold back
trying to keep it hiding from those i love most
but they can still see the ghost
these demons and angels hunting my dreams
i think this is the only reason i stay sane
soon it will be hard for them to maintain
as i start to cast my reign
righteous fury will burn my mental clean
but until then ill just sate my hunger with my forgotten dreams

eternal

tears falling from a heavenly face
the pain n ache from breakin from such an embrace
every time i dream about it my soul cries
that night we had to say good bye
why is fate so cruel
a love i waited an eternity for
swept away in the blink of an angels eye
a rent so harsh in the fabric of eternity
that could turn anyone's heart cold
look into these ageless eyes and see the pain
cry when you see the eternal joy
to wander for the rest of infinity searching for you
just to deny the fact that i lost you
never was it lust for your angelic beauty
only love for your eternal kindness
my wings are as black as my heart
an a war will just be the start
unless i can find a way to be reunited with you

foreign shore

standing here on a foreign shore
unsure of what the future holds
of what road to travel
can't go back or stand still
but i hesitate to step forward
do i take the beaten gravely path
or the one yet to be tread upon
should i wait for the dawn
or continue to travel in this eternal night
nothing seems right anymore
things use to be black n white
now nothing but a dreary gray sky
standing here on a foreign shore
unsure of what the future holds
if i open one door will the others be 4eva closed
will new ones appear 4 me
how does one truly measure the eternal beat of life
what is time but away to count the hopelessness
i was taught to embrace every moment
but how when the pain is so intense
i try to shroud myself in mystery
only to be denied an angels touch
standing here on a foreign shore
unsure of what the future holds
i just continue to cast stones in to the eternal ocean
and hope my ripples will continue on

a rose

------'----,---{@
so sweet beauty so divine shes always on my mind cant sleep feel so weak with out her by my side like a rose she does have thorns but a beauty that cant be compared i'd give everything for her love cause she will do the same even when like this flower we are withered and old she will still be with me even when i act the fool so sweet beauty to divine shes always on my mind but one question i cant answer is who is this lovely rose?
-----'----,---{@

i need a gurl

i need you ma
someone to adore and admire
to shower with love and affection
you gotta understand
i'm not perfect
but it is worth it
all the pain and sufferin we'll go through
wont be shit compared to the happiness and joy we obtain
i'm willing to do anything it takes
don't give a fuck if they say i'm whip
no lies and no games cept 4 what we do in the bed
faithful like god had meant me 2 be
never go astray from the love and affection you give me
i would die first rather than betray you
yea at times we may hate each other
but that's only cause of the love we have is worth it
and we can work it
so i'm asking you
will you let me have da honor of being your man?
just take hold of my hand
and press your lips against mine 2 sell it
im in all the way
are you gonna come with me?
cause ma i need a gurl i can be true 2

tribute

i wanna cry so bad
just shout out in pain
its not the same since you left
still tryin 2 catch my breath
stop by 2 day 2 see whats good
lol but its the same isn't it?
or is it?
i feel that in a way you can still hear me
and i know you still look out 4 me
but not having you here
feel like a scar that'll never close
this unbearable loss
but if it is then why do i go on?
i know i'm not that strong
to lose my father figure
to the fuckin trigger
wasn't even tryin to live dat life
shit you gave it all up for moms
kick away those last few bricks
just to have her once again
to have us back in your life
now that's real love right there
in my eyes you gave up the good life
but was glad you was there to prove me wrong
you showed me exactly how a man suppose to be strong
not even your own but it didn't make a difference
and that what pains me cause i cant find that nigger
oh god please help me
so many tears i shed that day
to many still that have yet to even fall
how i wish i could knock back time
damn i wish that day would of gone different
it felt like da same ol same ol
how could we have known?
but you fought till the end
damn why i have to be there to witness your last breath
oh how sometimes i wish for death
DAMN IT IT'S NOT FARE
feel so fucking bare
you gave me back dat soldier mental
a fearless heart that knew and laughed at the dark
feeling like we could beat anything
THEN WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T WE WIN?
oh lord what does this mean?
so much love
so much joy
such a loss
so much pain
HOW THE FUCK DO I MAINTAIN?
i know its not just me or the fam
lots of people have the same type situation
and i have no problem with comforting them
BUT WHERE THE FUCK IS MINE?
YEA I KNOW A MAN AIN'T SUPPOSE TO CRY
BUT FUCK THAT SHIT
TEARS AND PAIN OF A THUG
LOOK INTO THIS BURNING SOUL
I DON'T KNOW HOW I DO IT
FUCK I DON'T WANNA GO ON
BUT WHY? WHY THE FUCK DO I?
WHAT IS IT THAT I LIVE FOR?
i mean the fam is here
but what else?
damn i wish you was here
light a blunt
laugh a a lot
watch the dogs act dump
heh
man the fun
but i'ma try
naw scratch that i'ma do my best
im figure out why
i'm a soldier
and to be anything else
would be a disgrace to your memory
1 love and you know that's real
i'm a soldier till the end
here goes to meetin you lata on
no goodbye but a see you lata
and this time i'ma bring the dutch ;)
In Loving Memory of my mentor, friend, father, and fellow soldier (military,street, and spiritual)
Aaron Lee Taylor.

sorrow

gurl why are you doing this?
what is it that i missed?
how many ways can i show it?
why do i repeatedly have to prove it?
please just listen to me
come on and just look at me
my soul is bare for you to see
this is what love can truly be
why deny it?
are you hiding from it?
people wait their whole lives for this
but yet it seems you so easily dismiss it
do you not see my pain?
or m i just insane?
what is wrong?
why is it so strong?
this feeling for you must be true?
why else would i be chasing you?
please just listen to me
please just look at me
why wont you just accept me?
why do you reject me?

rage

damn it what is it?
why the fuck is this?
AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH
nothing but pain
oh the unbearable rage
mad for no cause
crazed with out a pause
inside is a torrent of emotion
outside a lil leaks by
think of a suicidal act
homicide is how i'm thinkin
just one of those times for no reason
wish i just stop breathing
i'm so fucked up
not even high or drunk
LOL
why do i get over looked?
is that i just seem so weak?
FUCK FUCK FUCK
look at me please
i'm going fucking insane
yes i am a lil deranged
but that's only cause of the love i have is caged
deja'vu i swear
like this happen so many years
a previous life
but is it the same continuing tragedy?
ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
someone please tell me
just let me know
how will this shit end
i don't think i can take it anymore

faithful

standing hereby your side why hide it?so excited your finally mine and it cant be denied in lil ways we show each other just how much we love one another i give ma word that'll i'll do my best not to hurt you in any shape or form i'm not perfect but i can say i'm worth it cause my love is true very lil that i wont do to prove it ma you don't have to worry bout my eyes wandering or even thinkin bout another gurl your my entire world well cept for my moms and da fam lol but you understand this love is like no other matter fact it transcends even the spiritual the level we on cant even be explained a level that few others have ever gained let them try matter fact i challenge them i'm daring them try and break up what we have just cause they mad its the truth don't even need to give em proof cause it's right in their facethey the ones out of place they say it can't be real but ma i'm tellin you i'm the one that'll be faithful

salute

pain
the pain of waken everyday
to take in another breath and realize that others never will again
to have been laughing one day out on the corner
or in the club, house, or store
and turn around the next and realize to never be able to do that again
to cry your self to sleep
trying to go on like nothing changed
hateing the fact that you cant do nothing to change it
raging at everyone for being helpless as well
even though didn't always live right
still blessed with god's light
walk the walk n talk the talk out in the street
a true G and man
nothing but a cold rage and pain inside
but need to stay true and honor your memory
and the only way to do that is succeed
sweetest revenge is success
but if i get a chance best believe im make a mess of who ever chest
solider who conquered fear
for ever gonna shed dem tears
but do ma best to attest to the greatness you had
by taken the lessons giving and running with them
so only can be stopped by the grave
carry this pain till end of days
but will endure cause of what you taught me
wont forget the love that you had for me and the fam
took us in like your own even though we weren't
which only says that much more for you
do my best not to tarnish your memory
take on the duty that was given to me
i'm soldier till my last breath is taking from me
so until i rest and then beyond
somehow i'm make sure they remember your name

In Loving Memory of Aaron Lee Taylor
A Great Father, Man, and Soldier

pain of love

the fear
the pain
the fear of not being noticed
the pain of being ignored
the anger
the sadness
the anger at you for not acknowledging me
the sadness that you would chose another over me
can you not see that everything you want is in me
why fall for the illusion that he's using
again to know the pain of a false love
another reason why love seems like a lost cause
pause for a second to think about it
you say you want these things to be true
and once you find them you reject them
then cling to lies that make you cry
all because you feared losing them
i'm standing right in front of you pouring out my heart
given you a reason not to look any further
cause what you seek is right in front of you
so frustrating that you wont accept what you seek
its the truth and here is the proof
why is it that you wont accept it
why cant you understand it
why do you deny it
everything before was an insult to the precious thing you are
one here to adore and cherish the queen and goddess that you are
to treat you like the precious gift from above that you are
what is it that i have to do to make you see
the pain of it is driving me crazy
i try reaching out to you
and you just keep pulling away
the look in your eyes is so sad
because of the past pain you wont let yourself go free
to enjoy the true joy that my love can give to you
it wont be perfect but we can work it
no lies to be had between us
not just lust for the physical that draws me to you
i want you emotionally and spiritually
no i need you cause i feel that your the other part i need to be complete
let it go
give it up
just let yourself breathe
i'm that sigh of relief
what you've been waiting for
true love in it's purest form

how i see you

sun set
sun rise
cant compare to you
those eyes
that smile
make any man weak
your body
your style
drives me wild
cant breath
cant think
when i look at you
why is this
what is this
seem at a lost for words
such beauty
such strength
does it really exist
is this a dream
or some cruel game
please not either
let this be true
my one wish
your one gift
is all i ask of you
and that is that our love can be true

my words

spoken word goes unheard from this youth walk the walk talk the talk is easy 4 ya'll but go outside the box n it freezes you considered beyond my years but fear it makes me awkward among my peers do i give a damn hell naw not anymore since i found away to hear my own voice the strength it gives rises me above so take the time expand your mind and get on with yours don't be so narrow minded bout this life the most successful are the most stressful but can still do what they do don't understand but it wasn't meant to be just a word that heard that i thought i pass on to you

all i have to give

a beauty that even heaven cant compare
something that even the devils wont dare
a smile to put stars to tears
that stop a planets rotation
women can only bow in difference towards
men would act in an instant for
wind catches its breath to hear you speak
even the mightiest of creatures seem weak
presence that is so captivating
eyes that shine brighter then anything in the heavens
voice stronger then a lions but softer than a humming bird
seems like everything else is a pale imitation
walk that is more seductive than the ocean
hair that is finer then any fur or cloth
body that puts shame to a goddess
and all this is just being modest
only thing i have is my love and trust to give

Before

before the kiss before the caress i fell in love with you before our eyes met before our embrace i knew that you had me before you uttered those words before you even spoke my name i knew i could never forget you the love of pain or is it the pain of love try so hard to please each other yet all we do is in the end hurt one another if i could I'd give the world to you fight heaven and hell for you before the kiss before the caress i fell for you before are eyes met before our embrace no way i would cheat on you before you utter those words before you even spoke my name i knew i would give everything 4 you

poem of a romantic

in ur eye's i can see eternity endless nights of warmth n passion moment of death n rebirth kiss n caress of the earth cool comfort of the night warm joyful rays of the day in ur smile i feel security from all the insecurity's of this world melody of angels comforting children the devilish joy of temptation ur arms i can lose my self forget all the moments of pain n joy to just float on times endless waves with out a care but only if i could get near

something u can also read

sit back n think
nothing much really
just some of the simple things
family n friends
when will i see them again
hopefully some sooner then others
sometimes i wonder why some even bother
but hey who can say what next time will bring
just happy for the small moments
yea they get on my nerves
but i get on theirs too

something to read 2

deep down inside
anger hotter then the sun blazes
passion as black as night dances
on the surface few signs to show
calm as the sky
seems like no worries at all
few read so well
but even for them its hard to tell
just waitin to snap?
seems like we all are
but who is to really say?
to the world i show mostly joy n care freeness
a lil dull to some but to most a lot of fun
but when alone sometimes i get overcome
with always holdin those darkest n strongest emotions inside
yea i know we all have them
and we all struggle but hey
sometimes we forget where not the only ones with troubles

something u should check out

young thug dumb luck out in da streets
cold heat tuck deep but still no time 2 sleep
night life full of fights n very lil light
no wife so no life just a few memorable nights
few tears less cares n no fears at all
family cries ask why he wont walk n da light
gun shots rang out n everyone drops
he rises sees light n pearly gates
eyes of light but smile of deepest sorrow great him as he walks
"wut da fuck?" is on his lips
"ma son welcome home...but at last u come before time"
he frowns starts to turn round n sees a feather hit da ground
realizes he has wings n starts 2 cry
da lord knows its a hard road 2 walk
even harder when we say goodbye on time n even harder when its before our time so keep ur luved ones close n stay safe